Tiger Woods Poops His Pants

ATT National Golf

Tiger Woods pooped his pants on 13, but that didn’t affect his play at the AT&T National golf tournament, where he shot 6 under in his first round.


Tiger Woods doing Tai Chi


Here is Tiger Woods, getting focused during his practice round on Wednesday, preparing for The Players Championship. He must have learned Tai Chi from the Swayze in Road House. Whatever helps you win, I guess. I’m more of a Yoga man myself.

Tiger Woods takes lead at Quail Hollow


(Tiger Woods doing his best Tin Man impression, muttering under his breath “Oil Can”. Looks like his knee is a little stiff.)

After playing a Pro-Am with Peyton Manning on Wednesday, Tiger took a commanding three shot lead during the first round at Quail Hollow, shooting 7 under on the day. It looks like the Tiger of old is back, at least for a day.

Stupid Tim Clark

If there’s one thing I learned from Lethal Weapon 2, it’s don’t trust South Africans. Stupid Tim Clark and his stupid great golf playing means the great (read: rusty) Tiger Woods won’t get to see round three of the Accenture Match Play Tournament. This also means that millions upon trillions of people won’t get to watch him play this weekend. Here’s a quick rundown of what happens using pictures from the tournament:


Tiger says, “WTF, man? I hate South Africans more than Mel Gibson hates Jews and South Africans!”


Meanwhile Tim Clark and his flamboyant self says with a lisp, “Tiger, the green’s this way thsilly pantths. Let’s win this one for Zimbabwe boyths!”

And the golf course just says this: “Fuck you Tiger!” You know when the cacti are flipping you off you’re having a bad day…


And there you have it, the rundown of the second round of the Accenture Match Play Tournament. Was it good for you?

Tiger’s Back!

I was talking with my friend Andy the other day on who our favorite golfers are. I stupidly said that J.B. Holmes is my favorite, Webb Simpson is my second, and Tiger is my third. The next day I said that saying Webb Simpson was my second favorite was stupid, and moved Tiger into the second spot. But why the hell do I like J.B. Holmes the most!?

Buick Invitational Golf

J.B. has won only two tournaments, both being the FBR Open. He was on the Ryder Cup team that won last year, which was very entertaining. He misses cuts every few tournaments and only makes a mil or two a year in earnings. The guy is good, but shouldn’t even be mentioned in the same breath as Tiger.


Tiger has won slightly more.

I guess I’m a freaking idiot because I like rooting for the underdog. Saying Tiger is your favorite player is so lame, because he’s everybody’s favorite player. In saying that, I can’t help but say that Tiger is by far the most entertaining player to watch. I’ve read at least 10 articles about him in the past two days that all basically say the same thing. He’s so freaking interesting.

The Accenture Match Play Tournament has just started, and I’m listening to it live at work. Who does that!? Tiger’s already one up after the first hole on his latest victim, and just got an eagle on two, so he is three up through two holes. It’s over!

I guess the point of this post is to say that Tiger is far and away the most exciting player in golf. In saying that, I still hate following the beaten path and will not place him as my favorite golfer. I’ll keep J.B. Holmes up there, just because. Plus, J.B. pulls hotter chicks…

Tiger Woods wins U.S. Open, claims 14th Major Win!

(Tiger giggles like a schoolgirl after Rocco Mediate tells him a dirty joke about sand traps)

Tiger Woods has done it. He has slain the mighty giant, Rocco Mediate, and claimed his 14th Major. He is now 4 major wins away from tying the all time leader, Jack Nicklaus, at 18. Sadly, I was unable to watch the final 18 round playoff, but I heard it was a doozy. They ended up going into a sudden death playoff after Tiger tied Mediate on the 18th hole with a birdie. They played the 7th hole in sudden death, and Tiger birdied to win the tournament.


So I finally got a Wii, after months of searching! I’ve been randomly going to Best Buy, Fred Meyer, and just about any other place that sells Wiis, hoping they recently had a shipment so that I could pick one up. Finally, after calling Freddies every day for a week, I got the inside scoop and bought one last Monday.

I’m very happy with my purchase. It was $250, which is a great price considering the demand is still insanely high. I also bought a charger dock that cost about $38, and I bought Mario Kart.

It was a great purchase, and came with a free steering wheel that the controller hooks into. It’s a lot of fun and cool to play with friends. I only wish I had a bigger TV to truly enjoy multiplayer.

After buying Mario Kart, I decided I needed another game and bought Tiger Woods Golf ’08. Even though the new one is coming out in August, I couldn’t wait so I bought this one. It is a lot harder than the Wii Golf, but so much more fun and in depth.

I never thought I’d be considered a gamer, but the Wii has me entranced in all things game related. I don’t think I’ll ever buy a Playstation or Xbox, but spending a couple hundred of my tax rebate on a Wii was a great investment.  Next stop, Plasma TV!